Succeed. Be remembered. Make history. Make us proud. Be comfortable. Have a job. Get married. Have children. Be patient. Go to a good university. Be intelligent. Get a PhD. Own a house. Be wealthy. Drive a sports car. Be attractive. Travel the world. Make friends. Be nice. Donate money. Win the lottery. Be generous. Share your talents. Socialize. Adopt a pet. Be you...Only then maybe, you can try being happy. (:You see, there is an ancient gramophone in the back of my head that plays the above message on repeat. For me, that gramophone started playing when I started high school, and it has been there for nearly three years. And today, as I was spending a cynical and and equally miserable day, I thought to myself, why? Why do I put up with this ugly, bad mash-up recording?
The world expects each and every single one of us to act and exist in a certain way and we are burdened with countless external expectations as if our own self-established expectations weren't enough. So, to find a better track to play in the background of my daily life, I took a tour in the record store that supplies my imaginary gramophone and I saw that all the expectation records were categorized into three sections:
- Inherent expectations,
- Identity expectations, and
- Individual expectations
I chose the top records from each section to represent that section.
Track 01 - Inherent Expectations, 'Me, Myself and My Soul'
These expectations come from being a human. As I don't believe in speciation and therefore a huge chunk of evolution, and instead believe in creation and having a somewhat sacred purpose in my life, I am expected to behave in a predetermined way. My personal belief dictates that I am not an 'animal' and I am not just a step in the evolutionary ladder either. I am not the result of infinite impossibilities and I am definitely not here by chance. I am above an animal, and I am above a plant. I am superior, BUT only if I lead a life that sets itself apart. My inherent expectations are to be honest, to be trustworthy, to be loyal, to be kind, to be compassionate, to be patient, and to be selfless. I enjoy this track because it encourages me to grow into a big-hearted person. I can do more than merely eating, sleeping and living a pointless life. I can do more than what an animal is capable of.
Track 02 - Identity Expectations, 'Insignificant Part of a Significant Whole'
These expectations come from being me. When I first started this blog, I wrote a post about identity, who I am, and to what communities I belong to. Every piece of my identity has different expectations. My gender expects submission and femininity. Our society and the way we have lived our lives from the beginning have shaped these expectations. In a matriarchal society I would have been expected to be dominant and stubborn. My countries expect patriotism, and to an extent, some nationalism. People whom I haven't met expect things from me, and then they act surprised when I tell them there is too much pressure on my back. As a teenager, society expects rebellion, peers expect perfection, parents expect obedience, and younger people expect exemplary lives. My school expects success, my teachers expect minimum grades, the education system expects proficiency in subjects that don't interest me, colleges expect participation in sports when I can't even kick a ball, and newspaper columnists expect revolutionary inventions and philanthropic organizations, so they can write about me: the outcast of her generation. As a daughter and as a big sister, my parents expect a sharing attitude, positivity and a healthy balance in my life. As a best friend to two incredible girls and as an attentive listener to the whole population, I am expected to be a locked chest full of secrets and problems and I am expected to be wise and give good advice. My relationship with this track is complicated. Perhaps, I need specialization in some of these categories to ease up on myself.
Track 03 - Individual Expectations, 'I Am Invincible"
These expectations come from myself. These are the things I expect myself to do. If you read my blog on a considerably regular basis, you'll know I expect big things from myself. I expect to change the world. Yeah. Belle dreams big. Apart from my seemingly unachievable dreams, and unattainable goals, I want to become a best-selling author, meet inspiring people, give a TED talk, intern for National Geographic or Google, marry someone I genuinely love, set up an art exhibition, live in a house near the ocean, and publish a photo journal. The problem with my individual expectations is that most of them are based on the future and I tend to think that only after I achieve them I will be happy. And, materializing my life and relying on achievement to be happy makes me everything but happy. I need to focus on now and carpe diem.&&&
Now that I am trying to reduce the active expectations in my brain, I have been thinking about one question. If we cannot yet fulfill the expectations that come from being human, how can we fulfill expectations that come after? We are full of greed and narcissistic desires, and we don't strive to keep them at a low point. We can't get rid of them because we are human, but we don't work towards refining our values either. Which is more important: inherent expectations or identity and individual expectations? How do we raise our children, what should we focus on? I think if we focus on inherent expectations, we will improve as a society because 1. they are simpler and 2. they are broader. If we work towards being loyal in general, then we fulfill our inherent expectation AND other expectations such as friend and country loyalty. So, I am going to shift my focus on being a more worthy human and I believe the details will come by themselves.
Lots of record sleeves,
~Belle