February is approaching its end, and I am thinking about how we are almost two months into this new year. 2016 has been a productive year for me so far, and I have several posts in store to be posted in the coming days. Be on the lookout!
Self-perception is an interesting thing. What I know to be me might be, and probably is, a completely different thing from what other people know of me. I guess that's the reason I like hearing what people have to say when they describe me. Or point something out to me. Criticize me or compliment me. It offers me perspective on myself and how I carry myself. It helps me compare what I think I am doing and how people perceive it.
In any case – the convoluted intro was to clarify why I will talk about dealing with emotions. It seems that I know a few things, since I have been critiqued and admired both on how I deal with my emotions. From what I know, here are my strengths (and weaknesses, nothing is inherently and absolutely good): I am able to move on from emotions relatively quickly, I don't let them consume me; I am not easily affected by other people's distress and emotions, I can keep clear and cool-headed in tough situations; I am sure of what I feel and think, I don't need validation for how I feel.
Some of these things are good. Some aren't. Some work at times, some completely flop at others. Sometimes people will tell me I have no emotions or sympathy, and sometimes they'll say I am being irrational. Of course, I am human, and (un)fortunately, not perfect. I can't and will not offer a pan-human solution to how to deal with emotions, I'll just tell you what works for me. And it's easy. Or rather, it becomes easy after a while.
Here's what I do when I feel something intensely and I don't want to (this is especially useful with negative or unpleasant emotions). I set aside a few minutes for myself, sometimes only five minutes, and sometimes 20 minutes or half an hour. I let myself feel whatever I am feeling. This focus helps with validating my own experience and not relying on something external. I am feeling this emotion and it has engulfed me. This is my reality. It's not pleasant, it's not happy, and it's not something I want to carry around with me.
From here, I'll see what I want to do. Usually for me, I do one of three things.
1) I just sit down and talk out loud through my feelings and listen to myself. How am I reacting, how am I feeling, what do I want to do? Sometimes I bash myself, sometimes I repeat the same thing over and over again. The important thing is to let it leave me.
2) I take out my venting journal (yes I have such a journal), and I just write. It's messy usually, it looks terrible and sometimes infinite. Sometimes it feels like I have written a volume. It feels like my rage or frustration can't fit into a few pages. And sometimes that's true. Sometimes it doesn't fit. And the great thing is that it doesn't have to. I don't have to spend only one page. I don't have to care about punctuation. I don't have to care about anyone's feedback. This is for me only, and I write. Sometimes I write over a page I already filled out. Sometimes I write in highlighter and sometimes in sharpie. Sometimes the ink smudges and sometimes it bleeds through. It's messy, as I said. But it's liberating. It's for me only. And it is how I feel.
3) I take out my art notebook and make art. Try contours and patterns and spirals. Doodles and calligraphy. It's a pure way to channel what I am feeling. And it's nice because I am not graded on it. I am not showing it to anyone. I am not making it for any other purpose than to purge myself of what I am feeling. That's what it boils down to. I have these emotions in me, I acknowledge them, and now I want them out. So this is what I do.
And it's all uncensored. Unapologetic. I don't stop myself. I don't filter myself. I don't filter my words. I don't filter my art. I have some pages filled with swear words and some pages filled with stars. And the great thing is – when I go back, it's real. It's proof. It's testimony to what I felt and what I moved on from. I can see myself and I can see my feelings on the page. And sometimes they are embarrassing. Sometimes they are pages filled with boy problems. Sometimes they are spiritual dilemmas. Sometimes they are confessions about friends and friendships. Sometimes they are upsetting and sometimes they are a wake up call. But they are there and they are always a good way to calibrate.
I can look at a page or read a passage from what I have written maybe a year ago and I am reminded of how I could move on. I felt this, I see, and now I don't. I can move on. And I am okay with it. I am not held up. I am not stuck on this. I lived through it, I am a different person because of it, and I have carried on with my life. I can carry on with my life. And essentially, that's what matters.
Lots of lost planets,
Belle
Self-perception is an interesting thing. What I know to be me might be, and probably is, a completely different thing from what other people know of me. I guess that's the reason I like hearing what people have to say when they describe me. Or point something out to me. Criticize me or compliment me. It offers me perspective on myself and how I carry myself. It helps me compare what I think I am doing and how people perceive it.
In any case – the convoluted intro was to clarify why I will talk about dealing with emotions. It seems that I know a few things, since I have been critiqued and admired both on how I deal with my emotions. From what I know, here are my strengths (and weaknesses, nothing is inherently and absolutely good): I am able to move on from emotions relatively quickly, I don't let them consume me; I am not easily affected by other people's distress and emotions, I can keep clear and cool-headed in tough situations; I am sure of what I feel and think, I don't need validation for how I feel.
Some of these things are good. Some aren't. Some work at times, some completely flop at others. Sometimes people will tell me I have no emotions or sympathy, and sometimes they'll say I am being irrational. Of course, I am human, and (un)fortunately, not perfect. I can't and will not offer a pan-human solution to how to deal with emotions, I'll just tell you what works for me. And it's easy. Or rather, it becomes easy after a while.
Here's what I do when I feel something intensely and I don't want to (this is especially useful with negative or unpleasant emotions). I set aside a few minutes for myself, sometimes only five minutes, and sometimes 20 minutes or half an hour. I let myself feel whatever I am feeling. This focus helps with validating my own experience and not relying on something external. I am feeling this emotion and it has engulfed me. This is my reality. It's not pleasant, it's not happy, and it's not something I want to carry around with me.
From here, I'll see what I want to do. Usually for me, I do one of three things.
1) I just sit down and talk out loud through my feelings and listen to myself. How am I reacting, how am I feeling, what do I want to do? Sometimes I bash myself, sometimes I repeat the same thing over and over again. The important thing is to let it leave me.
2) I take out my venting journal (yes I have such a journal), and I just write. It's messy usually, it looks terrible and sometimes infinite. Sometimes it feels like I have written a volume. It feels like my rage or frustration can't fit into a few pages. And sometimes that's true. Sometimes it doesn't fit. And the great thing is that it doesn't have to. I don't have to spend only one page. I don't have to care about punctuation. I don't have to care about anyone's feedback. This is for me only, and I write. Sometimes I write over a page I already filled out. Sometimes I write in highlighter and sometimes in sharpie. Sometimes the ink smudges and sometimes it bleeds through. It's messy, as I said. But it's liberating. It's for me only. And it is how I feel.
3) I take out my art notebook and make art. Try contours and patterns and spirals. Doodles and calligraphy. It's a pure way to channel what I am feeling. And it's nice because I am not graded on it. I am not showing it to anyone. I am not making it for any other purpose than to purge myself of what I am feeling. That's what it boils down to. I have these emotions in me, I acknowledge them, and now I want them out. So this is what I do.
And it's all uncensored. Unapologetic. I don't stop myself. I don't filter myself. I don't filter my words. I don't filter my art. I have some pages filled with swear words and some pages filled with stars. And the great thing is – when I go back, it's real. It's proof. It's testimony to what I felt and what I moved on from. I can see myself and I can see my feelings on the page. And sometimes they are embarrassing. Sometimes they are pages filled with boy problems. Sometimes they are spiritual dilemmas. Sometimes they are confessions about friends and friendships. Sometimes they are upsetting and sometimes they are a wake up call. But they are there and they are always a good way to calibrate.
I can look at a page or read a passage from what I have written maybe a year ago and I am reminded of how I could move on. I felt this, I see, and now I don't. I can move on. And I am okay with it. I am not held up. I am not stuck on this. I lived through it, I am a different person because of it, and I have carried on with my life. I can carry on with my life. And essentially, that's what matters.
Lots of lost planets,
Belle