What About the Muslim Children?

(Also published here.)

Two weeks ago, our university’s Muslim chaplain reached out to me and asked if I would be interested in a talking to a small group of Muslim parents about what Muslim college students thought about the recent Paris attacks. College students because we have all grown up in the almost immediate aftermath of 9/11.

We were five students in total and among us we were two undergraduates and three graduates, three boys and two girls. We all come from very different backgrounds and thus could offer different perspectives on the questions the parents asked us. Questions like what kind of language should we use when we talk about these kind of events to our children? Should we tell them that those people aren’t actual Muslims? How early should we expose our children to these news? How do we approach the whole process of “condemning violence” as Muslims? How do we ensure our children are safe and have the means and confidence in their schools to deal with what might come at them?

And I want to address not only how we, as Muslim college students answered these questions, but also the general necessity of this meeting and the fact that it happened. Because this is something we don’t usually talk about. We don’t talk about how the children raised in our communities feel and are treated because of these violent attacks and the ensuing Islamophobia. We don’t talk about how it affects the environment our children grow up in when even our parents aren’t sure about how to respond to these kind of events. When we have religious extremists killing in the name of Islam and constant anti-Islam propaganda, we look at how Muslim adults react. We don’t look at six and seven year olds who don’t even know the branches of the government. We don’t look at fifth graders who are left unaware of the thousands of civilians dead at the hands of the US military.

The broader frame of what we told these parents was that, yes they do need to talk to their children about this, and no they do not have to be sorry or ashamed of anything, they need to keep their dignity and stand their ground, and they need to trust their children in learning about and understanding complexities and nuances within these things.

Within this broader frame, we talked about how these attacks in the name of Islam are not simple. They are not done with a single goal and born out of a single motive. They are layered and complicated and multidimensional. They are not simply religious, they are political and ideological and based on dogma and prejudice and hatred. And this is something we need to address. We need to address how no matter how un-Islamic their actions may be, these terrorists still identify themselves as Muslims. And we can’t just say “No! Islam means peace! They aren’t real Muslims!” Not only is this trite and patronizing, it’s also confusing for children. Implying that all Muslims are somehow all great and faultless just sets our children up for disappointment. What do we expect will happen if they grow up with the notion that all Muslims are angels and then face the reality that Muslims are also people? And just like all people and all groups, they have good ones and they have bad ones. They have honor students and they have bullies. They have trustworthy businessman and corrupt politicians. At the end of the day, they still identify as Muslim, and they are a part of this 1.7 billion-people community, but they aren’t a monolith. They aren’t homogenous. They are different and diverse and yeah, some of them are bad, and some of them (most of them) are good (or try to be).

We talked about how some children don’t have the luxury of being shielded from these truths. Some children live under the shadow of ISIS and some children are born refugees. We talked about how when we hide these realities from our children, it can feed their ignorance later in life.

We talked about how to keep our dignity and pride with our children. How to not underestimate our children because they are really perceptive and they pick up a lot. They see and observe and they understand things that we don’t explicitly talk about. We discussed how children emulate their parents and thus how parents respond and react is especially important in keeping children confident in their identities and secure in their communities.

We talked about how we need to make sure children know that violence isn’t a Muslim problem. It’s a human problem. It’s in every community and it’s born out of oppression and lack of education. And it can be fixed but we need to work for it.

We talked about the difference between religion and politics and what it means in the context of all these violent crimes. We talked about how we have to be careful with the language we use when we refer to these terrorists. We need to instill the understanding that sometimes people do horrible things thinking that they are doing the right thing. And that good behavior is recognizable as is bad behavior. And the real distinction between people doesn’t come from race or religion – it comes from whether they are good people or bad people.

Especially within the Muslim household, we talked about how parents should enforce the way that God wants us to react to these kind of situations. With patience and dignity and consistency. With level-headedness and logic. How we shouldn’t victimize ourselves and be miserable. How we need to keep our heads up and condemn all types of violence and injustice by principle. How we need to be less reactionary and more regular in what we stand up for and what we stand against.

Muslims have been dealing with ostracization and marginalization since Islam came to be a religion. It’s not new that we are being targeted and harmed and being called names. But now people have means to do it globally. People are connected and millions of resources are at the tips of their fingers. People can trend #KillAllMuslims for an entire day, people can organize islamophobic events across the country, people can terrorize mosques and Muslim community centers with little to no planning. People can develop intricate agendas within governments to oppress Muslim communities. And it’s time to talk about how we can help our children process these. How we give them stable and strong foundations to fall back on when they are faced with bigotry and prejudice in their schools and among their peers. Born and raised post 9/11 kids. Here they come.

Lots of shields,
Belle

Muslim Disprivilege

Long time no see my dear blog, I have missed the formality you brought, and so I am back. I was never away yes, but I was not as present as I promised I would be and I have truly missed you.

This is another one of those blogposts that I had originally intended to be a vlog but I have only six more days until I travel up to Chicago and start the new chapter of my life that is college, and we both know videos take longer to create than pieces of prose. So here we are.

I first scribbled the idea for this post, at two in the morning a few weeks ago, as "Write about: white privilege is having nuanced stories." However, once I sat down to actually write about it, I realized that two in the morning me was not in a condition to speak about nuance when she narrowed down such a complex topic to something as structured and systematic as white privilege. So this is not a post about white privilege. It was never meant to be. This is a post about Muslim disprivilege.

Let's start with nuance. Muslim disprivilege in its root is not having nuanced stories whether they be individual or collective. We are neither allowed to nor can afford to have complex and multi-layered narratives. Muslims in the post 9/11 world exist as an ambiguous and ominous block of beings that have a flat image in society's eye. Muslims are in the media all the time, but always in the same roles and the same stories. Outside of a violent and dangerous image, we practically don't exist and are only there to incite fear and exude signs of being a threat.

There are certain perceptions about what Muslims are in society's mind and thus anything that goes against what people expect is on the one hand always expected, but on the other hand is surprising and has the potential to set all 1.7 billion Muslims back.

Despite the huge "block of beings" image we have, all Muslims are individuals with individual stories and backgrounds, who live all over the world. Especially in places where Muslims are in the minority, but are integrated into bigger communities, the untold but ever present expectation is that they don't fit the image people have in their minds of Muslims. When the media presents all Muslims as potential terrorists, obviously the expectation from someone whose neighbor is a Muslim would be that fingers crossed my neighbor is not one of those Muslims. So, the constant expectation is to be perfect and flawless and show no signs of anything negative to confirm people's fears about you. Be a good student, belong to a progressive family, and participate in things like community volunteering and gardening to look as harmless as possible.

But see, that's the thing. The pressure is that we have to prove everyone wrong and every Muslim individually has to uphold that standard. We aren't allowed to be human and make mistakes. Muslim disprivilege is to be stripped away from the second chances all other people get when they have issues. Not only do we have to be devoid of all problems humans could possibly have, we also have to make sure that other Muslims are living up to these expectations and disproving people's prejudices about us. This creates so many problems because now we have Muslims who are struggling with their personal image, their collective image, and the responsibility they are made to think they have on behalf of all other Muslims. I am not responsible for only myself, but for all the other 1,699,999,999 Muslims on the planet. Both for their mistakes and their image. My actions reflect them as do theirs mine, and occasionally we are expected to apologize for each other. As a result of our inner community policing, we also further problems that we already have in our local groups.

Muslim disprivilege is having everything I do being associated with my religion. While for myself, religion is a way of life, and it does factor into many decisions I make, I am not programmed into doing this. I choose to do it consciously. The assumption that it must be my religion endorses this notion that I blindly follow my religion and have no free will. For example, during my last months of high school, the majority of senior class was getting ready for prom. One of my teachers asked if I were going to go and I replied that I wasn't. The teacher's immediate reaction was to look at me with mock understanding and pity and ask me if it was because of my religion. And I replied that no, it wasn't because of my religion. While there are things in my religion that would suggest me to not attend an event like prom, the choice to take these into consideration is mine. There are Muslims who go to prom, and there are Muslims who don't. Now, while I am not averse to the prom scene itself, I felt more comfortable with a smaller party and thus attended a dance that one of our local community centers threw for us. Of course, the complications never end. There is the assumption that we create these kind of events to prove ourselves and subtly scream "Muslims can have fun too!!! You see???" The funny thing is that I have witnessed a similar teacher-student interaction where a non-Muslim student replied in the negative about going to prom and the teacher tried to convince the student and explain how fun prom was and how it was a once in a lifetime event and that students shouldn't miss out on it.   

Muslim disprivilege is always being extra careful with what I do and what I say and thinking ten steps ahead all the time. In a way, where God would show me mercy and forgive my personal mistakes, society decides to strike me with its wrath and alienate me. For example, I make sure to never make any jokes that can be considered threats even in the lightest sense. "I would kill for a cold glass of lemonade right now." You won't hear that out of my mouth. And the inner policing? Also a part of my life. Making sure my family doesn't make similar jokes or indicate any sign of negativity or dysfunction. My brother isn't allowed to have toy guns or play any violent games because we don't want these themes in his life. Now – this is layered. We don't want these themes in his life anyway, but we have to be extra careful about it because he's bound to be shamed about his toy guns not only because people disapprove of toy guns, but also because he is a Muslim kid and thus genetically prone to terrorism (duh). This is also the reason that it disturbs me when people who are not Muslim and who are so removed from the general experiences of Muslim people try to emulate Muslim people for their online pranks or try to create Muslim people in their shows and in their novels. This is the reason every time someone comes out with a social experiment (!!!) and makes a bunch of non-Muslim girls wear hijab and go out so they can compare their experiences to when they aren't wearing hijab, I get extremely annoyed. Not only are these people posing as something they are not, but every little action they take while they are in their little hijab getups adds to the pool of things that can be generalized for all Muslims. Oh and the fact that they ignore to actually ask real Muslim women about their experiences is the cherry on top. Why take the easy way out and interview hijabis to amplify their voice in the media when you can hire actors and arrange friends to act like they are Muslim so you can conduct a pseudo-experiment?

Talking about Muslim voice and representation in the media, where is it? When in the beginning I said we can't afford nuances, this is what I mean. We aren't in a state where whatever representation we get is representation and thus ultimately positive. Our position and image is already precarious, we really aren't looking for stale and poorly constructed Muslim characters and storylines in media. I run a tumblr blog where I get questions along the lines of "Can you tell me a little about Muslim culture? I  want to have a POC character in the novel I am writing. Thanks!" And this is not for me only. My Muslim blogger friends also receive these kind of questions and honestly these messages are pathetic and sad and uninformed.

You want to learn about "Muslim culture?" How about you first learn what a Muslim is? And then move on the distinction between culture and religion? And then maybe the generalization that you made about how all Muslims are POC (which is an even more layered topic for later discussion)? Oh and don't forget to learn more about doing research and using the vast resources that are readily available to you through the internet when writing a novel. Thank you.

There are people out there who think a few paragraphs from a random Muslim blogger they see on the Internet will teach them enough about "Muslim culture" so they can go on to create a novel with a Muslim character, pass off in some diversity litmus test, and then smile at the representation starved minorities while mouthing "you're welcome."

We aren't at a place where we can discuss issues in our communities with the outside world without backlash and judgement and multiplied bigotry. Obviously, we are trying to address them within ourselves, but if we tried to give depth to our own general Muslim narrative in the outside world, it would be perceived as if a disease caught a disease and now it's double the trouble, double the danger. And again, without doubt, some problems can be solved simultaneously, like preventing rape through changing society's mental attitude towards women, all the while being careful and attentive with rape cases and victims and offering them resources for healing and therapy. But this is Muslim disprivilege and that means we can't get that kind of complexity when we need to solve our problems.

We need to first humanize Muslims and integrate them into the society that is presented in the media. We need them out of the terrorist and oppressed molds and counter the decades long image with good Muslims. Good and trustworthy and loyal and hard-working. Practicing their faith, going about their daily, harmless lives, and not planning to bomb major American cities. And after we have a solid foundation that presents Muslims as mainly good people (7% vs. 93%), we can add more layers to the Muslim image in the world's eye. For example, Muslims have problematic families too. Muslims have issues with cultural patriarchy and racism too. Muslims can be lazy and drink alcohol and not be extremely pious too. Because Muslims are 1.7 billion people and they are all bound to be different and individualistic. Muslims are a part of the human species, and as humans are, not infallible. Whoa. Shocking concept I know.

So that's Muslim disprivilege. Overcompensating is a basic part of your life and you are always trying to make sure your intentions are well aligned and you aren't just putting up a nice and wholesome facade when you are in fact a hollow and purposeless shell. Fun lifestyle, don't you think?

Lots of ponderings,
Belle

Charms in A Lesson Before Dying

A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest J. Gaines

256 Pages

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This was my final reading for Lit class and I am glad I chose it. A Lesson Before Dying is the story of a teacher, Grant, and a young black guy,  Jefferson. The story is set in the late 40s, Jefferson is sentenced to death while Grant is requested (by Jefferson's grandmother) to teach Jefferson how to be a man before he is killed. The passages I bookmarked were really long so I have screenshots this time instead of typed out selections. And because this review will be more in-depth than the usual charms post, they will be spread throughout the post.

Jefferson is wrongly convicted of murder which is why he's sentenced to death, and during his trial, his lawyer tries to prove his innocence, and how he was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time by calling him a hog. Jefferson has no intelligence, he is a fool. Killing him would mean nothing. That's the attorney's argument, which in the end doesn't work to save Jefferson, but it does affect Jefferson's grandmother. She knows she can't change the result now that the jury decided, so she wants Jefferson to at least die a man, not a hog as people made him out to be. 

She requests the town's teacher, whose aunt she's friends with, to go see Jefferson and teach him how to be a man. Grant, who is the narrator of the story, tells us his thoughts, meetings, and the life in the town during the time period between Jefferson's conviction and death.

To start off, Grant is not a very likable narrator. He is honest and thus reliable with his narration, but that's about it as far as redeeming qualities go (at least in the beginning). As a person, he is annoying and whiny. The first question I wrote in my notes was, "Why do they think the teacher will be able to teach Jefferson to be a man when he himself isn't man? He is immature – is the reader supposed to feel this way about the narrator?"

Grant doesn't really want to take up the task of making Jefferson a man. He himself questions the decision for his selection.What does he know to make someone a man? In fact, in his narrative, his girlfriend, Vivian, is the reason he himself is a man. Vivian, provides the support and encouragement Grant needs to keep visiting Jefferson and not giving up too easily.

The reason that this book is good, despite the narrator, is because not only is it really well-written in terms of style and prose, but it's also a nice, nuanced narrative of black living in the US. And it's timeless in how some most of the problems presented in the book are still relevant (sadly).  

 

These are some selections showing Grant's feelings towards being asked to visit Jefferson. Around this time, I thought that even though Grant starts out as a pessimistic miser, maybe the story will function in a way that he will grow together with Jefferson. While having a wise, more likable person go to see Jefferson seems like the more guaranteed way to go, sending someone that Jefferson can relate to, however surprisingly, might serve the story better. Or so I thought. But I never got that in the end. Does Jefferson learn how to be a man? Yes. Does Grant change marginally? Not so much. Sure, he has some character growth, but not enough to make the reader like him. I might have to do a second reading later because my Lit teacher said on later readings I would start to sympathize with Grant more. I am skeptical, but I will give it a chance.

[Warning for discussions of child abuse] This passage was important to me especially in shaping my view of the narrator. He lives in a small town and he teaches all the kids in the elementary school. He knows all their stories. He knows their families. He knows their living conditions. Yet, when he's angry or upset, he takes it out on the kids. He beats them and yells at them and he acknowledges that he is doing it out of his own anger and inability to control it. He is truly despicable in that sense, and even though we have discussed the time context of the story and how yes during that time and until quiet recently too teachers could beat up children in schools and it was totally fine doesn't mean that we can't hold these people to the same moral standards that we can hold any decent human being at any time in history. Just on a very scientific, evolutionary standpoint, even without religion or belief or any kind of mores, children are small and weak and usually ignite nurturing instincts in us. We want to protect them from harm, not inflict harm on them. The gist of the story is that I really hated Grant. But let's move on. [End warning.]

These passages highlight the racial nuances of the story and the conflicts black people face and have faced, both externally with other people, and internally within themselves. While I don't like Grant, I still appreciate what his character brings to the story. For example, examining how he approaches matters of pride and self-worth create interesting questions. He creates the gray area between the moral absolutes of right and wrong. 

He's also important for exploring questions like what actually makes someone a man, or how does education play into what a man is? How does religion? Grant himself acts like academics are the pinnacle of human potential. Once you are educated, you are better than the rest of your kind. Knowing science and math is what matters, nothing else. Living in any other way than the way of the intellectually elite is barbarism. That kind of thing. He questions his own position as a man in teaching Jefferson, but he does make it clear that he thinks there is a distinction between the university-bred young man and the farm-worker. This is of course, not wrong, these are two different classes of people. But to take away from them all the other facets of their lives is rude and superficial. University education does not make a man, instead, as it's popularly known, manners maketh man. And Grant is of the opinion that his job as a teacher is to make "people like [Jefferson]" to keep from going to jail, and while this might be true to some extent it's not true in the way Grant thinks it is.

Now the interesting thing that I liked looking at was how Grant was perceived in his town. Because not only does he himself think that he is different due to his education, but so do his people. He has went outside and gotten an education. He is respectable. He is the pride of the community. He is "the Teacher." So, while he isn't the best person they have around in terms of character, Miss Emma, Jefferson's grandmother, chooses him to go and speak to Jefferson because he has that prestige.

This is yet another theme explored in the book. Religion and education and how they can exist together, if they can exist together. Grant went to university religious, but he came back an educated and a no longer religious man. This is just to further the notion that religion and faith are for simple, uneducated people, and those of us who are advanced intellectually could not possibly be religious. I actually recently gave a speech at my school's Baccalaureate about this, but basically, I think it is complete BS as an idea. However, its presence in the book and how it reflects on Grant's character development is important and despite how much it frustrated me I liked it in the story.

And these are the final passages that I'll leave you with. They go further to show the racial issues the book is highlighting. I think they are extremely relevant especially this year, where we have had a ridiculous amount of racially motivated brutalities and crimes with no justice served.

Overall, definitely a book I'd recommend, and a book worth re-reading.

 Lots of quills,
~Belle